Oh boy, I can practically already see the people who are trying to loose weight rolling their eyes at me right now..

I’ve always struggled with my weight, and it’s still something I struggle with to this day.  Growing up with anxiety was tough.  It caused me to skip a lot of meals because of feeling sick, and it caused my weight to always be low.  In fact, I was sixteen years old when I finally made it over 100 pounds in body weight (and I stayed under 105 pounds until this year.  I’m 22!).

Now, I’m sure that some ladies would KILL to be 105 pounds.  In fact, most doctors would see no problem at all with my weight, because I’m a tiny 5’3”.  But to me, I was dangerous underweight.  I ate tiny portions, on top of already skipping meals, my diet was atrocious, and I was constantly working out and staying active (which meant that every time I tried to gain weight I would just work it off without realizing it).

*Takes deep breath in*

When I started my first semester of college, I heard a lot of talk about ‘the freshman fifteen’.  (Freshman fifteen: college freshman supposedly gain 15 pounds because of their new college diet of ramen noodles, cafeteria food, and takeout.)

When I started my first semester of college, I was 105 pounds.

When I ended my first semester of college, I was 103 pounds.

Where the heck was MY freshman 15?!  I lost two pounds!

Because of the constant anxiety due to college, homework, friends, and other stuff, I skipped a lot of meals and tried my best to get snacks in here and there to keep me going.  But again, it wasn’t healthy and it took a toll of my physically.

Today, a few months after the end of my first semester of college, I’m proud to say that I’m 121 pounds!  That’s the most I’ve ever weighed and I’m proud of my weight!  I’m eating bigger portions of food, I’m eating almost every meal (and then some), and I’ve stopped eating candy around meal times (it truly does ruin your appetite).

I’ll admit that this sudden weight gain is mostly due to the fact that this virus has us all staying inside.  With no place to go, my anxiety can’t get the better of me, and therefore it can’t effect my eating schedule!

Not only have I been gaining weight and eating better, but my workout schedule has also been rough with workouts!  So most of the weight I’m gaining is in the form of muscles (I hope)!

Struggling with weight sucks, whether it’s trying to gain it, or trying to loose it.

I didn’t tell a lot of people before that I was trying to gain weight.  For the most part, people ether laughed in my face because they thought I was joking, or they would just look at me like I’d lost my mind.  (Sometimes both!)

Gaining weight has been a constant struggle for me.  With the constant changes to my life and no actual ‘structure’ to work with, my anxiety has always caused an issue with weight gain and weight loss.  (Meaning: no weight gain and plenty of weight loss.)

The reason I’m writing about this is because I know there are others out there, like me, who are struggling with gaining weight.  I want to tell them that it’s okay.  That as long as they keep at it, they will reach their goals.  (I’m living proof of that.)  And to keep your chin up and ignore the eyerolls.

For those of you who have actually gotten this far far without rolling your eyes, I thank you for a moment of your time and I hope that you never laugh at someone who is trying to gain weight rather than loose it.

You all are amazing and thank you so much for reading.  As always, smile, have an amazing day, and stay healthy. ❤